Issue #20

Weekly evaluation inspiration for...

Non-profits who DARE

As you may know, in addition to my day job as an evaluation and organizational learning consultant, I'm also a mom to three young kids. This week's story is about a conversation I had a few days ago with my four year old.

I was putting her to bed and she started to complain - "mom, I didn't get to have the thing". Unlike her older sister, she sometimes struggles to find words to describe things. That can look like some tricky behaviour if I'm not careful about how I respond.

Knowing this, I asked for more information. But she couldn't give it to me. So I got more specific with my questions - I asked if it was something we eat. She got more upset and said "I don't know!" I could see the frustration rising and I really wanted to use this opportunity to show her that with some patience - on both of our parts - we could figure this out together.

So I asked her to describe what it looks like. And she thinks for a minute and responds with "It looks like a sparkly dance party."

I'm at a huge loss now, but I can see that she's trying her best. I ask if she knows where we got it, and she tells me we got it today at the grocery store. Now it's clicked for me - we got them these Icee slushies but they're in the freezer and we can't have them until tomorrow.

I can absolutely see the sparkly dance party! But what I could see more, was the pride in my sweet little four year old in being heard. It wasn't easy for her to put her thoughts into words, but she did it and it was such a joyful moment that she didn't even mind that she had to wait until the next day to drink it.

I find this a lot when I work with organizations to engage communities. Folks who have been marginalized are used to having data extracted from them, to sharing their needs without any kind of follow up, and to moving in systems that were designed to hold them back.

If you want to meaningfully engage people, it starts with building trust. And not from a cringey gotcha place - people see through that soon enough. Building partnerships and shifting power is possible, but your intentions have to be in the right place.

Just like parenting a four year old, this is tough work. It's really easy to say "we asked, and no one had anything to say" and to move on. It's a lot harder to recognize why people might not engage, and create welcoming pathways and space for people to participate in ways that feel safe and comfortable for them. Because when you create those opportunities, it's so much more powerful for participants, for you, and for the communities you work in.

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